Too much..

Things are a constant struggle and lately its just getting worse. Its the Christmas season so i should be happy but yet i find myself just having meltdowns. 

What i want most is for my best friend, Adam, to be happy. And if that means he dates another girl i have to be okay with that. Just ✔️ it off as another thing i want that i dont get. Im struggling to be okay with losing that dream. Sure he frustrates me to no end but in the end hes still the guy i go too, the guy i feel safe and comfortable around. I still dont understand why he is in my life or why he continues to be there, sure i hope he stays forever but idk. 

Keep me in your prayers..