searching....

Maggie, 
   why are you still looking? i'm right here, in front of  you, by your side, behind you, everywhere..why cant you see that? i love you more than you'll ever know. i wish you would believe me, Maggie your my daughter, i want you, i love you. stop fighting my hands that are holding you. you deserve so much more than you know. you are precious. seek me, love me, know that i'll never fail you. 

i love you my dear child. you ARE worth it, stop believing everyone who tells you your not, i'm telling you that you are. 

God, your father. 

aunt maggie

i am officially an aunt to a beautiful healthy little girl!

meet haylee marie heller, born feb. 16th at 5:05pm at 6 lbs, 13 ounces and 19 inches.

waiting

this is song is amazing.

truthhhhh

love this, love him..

i just got back to bethel yesterday morning, skipped the first two days of school..which im glad i did, but i have to say im not ready to be back, or more like i dont want to be here. it seems to always be like this for a few weeks, and im not really sure why. it just happens. 
break was good, except for the fights my family had, but thats always expected so i dont know why i thought it would be different.
on the train ride back i met some really awesome people. 
jennifer:: i met her first well technically second but i didnt really make a friendship with the first girl i met. lol. but because of that girl i met jennifer. she has family who lives in lancaster, but she lives in ohio..we rode 7 hours together. shes engaged, and totally nice. i can foresee us hanging out in the future. shes as short as me, and the 21. we're similar in a lot of ways.
adam:: jennifer was sat next to him. hes 24 and lives in fl but goes to school in michigan. hes realllllly smart, and a lot of fun to talk to. 
then theres neil:: the bearded man...ahh a 27 yr old park ranger from utahhhh. he originally comes from street, maryland. i had the most fun talking to him.with all our banter. :) he likes to travel alone and at this moment he is in chicago upon return to utah. and no he isnt mormon. 
dennis:: hes the oldest one of the group but he was also a lot of fun to talk to.
we talked all night, and it was one of the best train rides of my life.

just a dream

i wrote a few weeks ago that i had let demarco go,but i didnt truly do that until last tuesday..a week and three days ago. 

except that last night he facebook messaged me and said how much he missed me and wanted to talk to me..blah blah blah.

i wanted to talk to him, every bone in my body did..and i did, but we ended up in an argument and he deleted me from facebook, well he ended up readding me but still.. 

i love him lots, theres no doubt about it, but i cant let him keep doing this to me.. i need time and space from him, which he ended up seeming mad about, but doesnt he want me to move on? like i just dont understand him..

however, i just dont know what to do anymore because i do love him and want to be with him..but its all just a dream.

blessed

these five girls have blessed me immensely during the past 8 weeks. and i hope i have done the same for them.
its  no secret that 5 star makes me miss summer and being at camp, but at least  i still have the opportunity to love on these five girls. 
each one of them has shown me something and i love each one unconditionally. i was blessed by these girls this season and i cant wait for the coming seasons with them. 
so January hurry up and get here because im going to miss spending my monday afternoons with them. :)