oh so happy.

i get to move out of the lodge and into logan! you have no idea how happy i am about this decision. 
i miss living with these girls in logan. 

but now i'll get to live with some other pretty amazing people and im sure it will be good for me. this rooming situation was not the best and i knew that it wasnt going to be from the moment in july that my mom told me who i was living with. i dont like how the things happened with the people i live with, but im so thrilled to be getting out. i just wish it would have ended better, but honestly its no big deal to me. cuz im getting out, what i wanted from the beginning. 

 oh demarco, i miss you so dang much. will i ever get over you? highly doubtful. we talk all the time and we still plan weird things that people in relationships plan, and plus hes dating his ex again and even though i hate that i dont want to stop talking to him. but maybe i should? i dont know. i love him.

just go with it.

it's friday night, and while i had gone out to dinner with a friend i hadnt seen in a long time, and then to Bible study, (we watched some movie,boring), i now sit here with my very awesome roommate watching just go with it. its a movie with adam sandler and jennifer aniston. adam plays a man who was cheated on by a woman he was going to marry and swore he would never let himself get hurt again, he then meets this young girl and she finds a wedding ring in his pocket, he then goes on to make this fake family, and they end up all going to hawaii, while there, adam and jennifer fall in love. 
i sit here and wish i had someone to fall in love with. i mean sure i had a boy this summer and a little bit into the school year, but things didnt work out, which makes me sad but sometimes that just happens. i honestly had fallen in love with him, and didnt want to lose him but maybe its just for the best. sure i cant see how it is at the moment, but im trying. 
i feel like part of me is missing, i cant explain the feeling,it just feels like my heart is imcomplete. im trying to let God take control but its so hard. but hey i guess i just gotta go with it! until then i'll be waiting and hoping he comes soon.i just hope God doesnt take so long to give him to me.

oh summer, i miss thee

i would say that i had one of the best summers of my life.. :) i met and worked with some of the greatest people. i worked for the salvation army camp grandview. :) 
i was a counselor, and my co Gabriella and i were probably the best counselors ever, hah, im not biased at all. :)  

God has shown me that i have a passion for inner city kids, and kids that are less fortunate and are having a hard time. never once did i see myself having such a love for those little kids. the very first week of camp i had 19 little 9 year old girls. and i know you're not supposed to have favorites but i did. secoriah is her name.  

secoriah was quiet at first but she seemed to really open up to me after awhile. she would always sit next to me at meals and would be incredibly willing to help clean up after the meals. i called her my bug. <3 in the middle of the week she was crying one night and i went to talk to her, she was missing home, so i let her write a letter home, which i was supposed to send but i forgot too. anyways. on thursday the night before they were leaving she was crying again and i tried talking to her but she didnt want to talk to me. i didnt understand why and i was really concerned, especially since right before that she was leaning on me at our night program. finally i got her to nod, when i asked her questions. i said to her "are you crying because you're going to miss me?" and she shook her head yes, and that broke my heart. i cried when saying goodbye to her and i told her i'd never forget her. well the next week i was looking through my backpack and found her letter to her mom, i decided to read it, and after i did it just broke my heart. she had asked her mom if she even loved her..i just broke down and cried. i'm so glad i got to love on her for the week. :) 

Cydney was from week four. she is probably the cutest little girl in the world, okay not true, all of my girls were the cutest. but cydney was so scared of bugs and while it annoyed us, it was also cute. i didnt learn that much about her as i would have liked but i did enjoy having her in my cabin. :) 

week five brings me to my dear little chase. such a cute girl with an even cuter name. :) she was the quietest girl ever. i only heard her talk a few times. all week i kept asking her if i could take her home and she would always say yes, :) the headband im wearing, she gave to me. we never had to yell at her which was a good thing because all six weeks i think we always had to yell at the girls. i'm not really sure why i loved chase so much but i did, and i think about her a lot of the time. i have this picture framed and in my dorm room, i dont know why but she left an impression on me and i fell in love with her. 

which brings me to week six..week six was a stressful long week. i was emotionally and physically tired and i 


even got sick the second day. :( which i didnt like being away from my girls, and the little moments of them being concerned and missing me were the best moments of my life. 

Teriyana was thee most annoying obnoxious little girl of the whole six weeks. yet she was the one i liked the most.

which is weird being she annoyed me the most. she would call me miss sickness, yet she would always hold my hand and hug me. i had talked to my friend patty about her and she was like yeah she was in my cabin last week and i think theres something wrong cuz shes so clingy. i remember thinking oh great i dont want that. she was obnoxious to demarco and would kick him and stuff. one day it was chilly and i let her wear my old navy zip up sweater. on the day we were packing for them to leave i asked for my sweater back and she gave it to me and for some reason i just felt like i should let her keep it, so i did. i gave her it. her face lit up like a lightbulb and i was so confused as to why she was so excited to keep my sweater, after i gave it to her i just felt good and that i did the right thing. i'm glad that i got to give her it, because maybe she doesnt receive gifts like that, and im glad i could be the one to show her love. 
so my summer was really rewarding and i wouldnt change anything about it. i want to work there next summer or another salvation army camp but we'll see where God leads me, after all He's in charge. :)  

family

my family.people i used to take for granted, people i'm finally realizing actually care about me,people i'm growing to like seeing,people i'm finally starting to love with my whole heart. 

i've been hurt by my family on numerous occasions, sometimes little, sometimes big things. i've learned to let go and forgive, its not always easy but i need to do it. 

i love them.



i'm missing my family,a lot.

useless

apparently thats what my dad thinks i am.
my brother thinks his best friends girlfriend is this perfect little princess, when in all actuality shes gotten worse since high school and i will never ever like her, he cant see the beotch in her.
im so ready to leave.... georgia cant come fast enough

why hello there mister moon

i'm sitting in my room at home, and out of the corner of my eye i saw that the sky was illuminating, i turned to look only to see the moon lighting up the entire sky. its simply beautiful.                            

 its really amazing when you get to see God's creation and when you realize just how amazing it actually is. God took time to hand craft the moon, He gave it the ability to light up the sky, to hide, to illuminate. and it does an amazing job at that. i never really looked the the things God created and just took the time to enjoy them, i take that for granted. im going to try not to do that anymore, it'll take time but with God anything is possible. now i wish the moon would come out of hiding and light up the sky again. 
in a few short weeks i will be heading to georgia to work at camp grandview for the summer, im stoked, nervous, scared, happy, and sad all at once. i dont know what it will be like or if the other employees and campers will even like me. thats always one of my fears but i need to let it go. God help me, :) 

 family. its what i need to get by and i love them to pieces. they were always people i took for granted, but im beginning to realize their on my side and they love me no matter how many times i mess up or how many times i get angry with them.
Lord thank you for giving me an amazing family, that includes, brothers,parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and all my grandparents who are no longer on earth especially my pappy and grammy. :)



 

im such a screw up.