tonight i watched two movies.
first i watched soul surfer, a movie i've been wanting to see since it came out, but i just never got around to it. my mom and i went grocery shopping at giant and she pointed it out, so i broke down and paid the 15 dollars for it. let me just say, 15 dollars well spent! you know how sometimes you buy something then you have buyers remorse, yeah definitely dont. :) anyways, this movie is a must see if you havent. i had NO IDEA that it was a christian movie, so that surprised me when the beginning started showing courageous and to save a life. (great movies btw)
anyways, i LOVED soul surfer, i feel like in a way God wanted me to watch this movie, because i am questioning a lot of things right now, and i dont know much of anything anymore. but Bethany Hamilton was attacked by a shark and lost her arm, she wanted to give up but after a missions trip to thailand she came back and was ready to start again. as the movie says sometimes you need to step back and get a new perspective. maybe thats exactly what i need to do. im not sure what exactly that means yet, but realizing it is a start.
the second movie i watched(cuz i have nothing better to do) was water for elephants. i got it on netflix last week and i kept putting watching it off cuz i read the description and i was like oh great im not going to like it, well folks, i actually loved it as well! shocker right? for me yes. i thought the man, august, was so rude, how can someone beat animals? and your wife? ugh, it disgusts me. but either way it was a great movie, and frankly i love any movie with reese witherspoon.
well thats my two cents about two great movies. now its time to try to get some sleep.. probably wont happen.
Friday, July 27, 2012
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
words from a good friend
i was talking with a good friend last night on facebook, and told her some of the things i've been questioning and going through, and she sent me this.
Lastly, I'm so sorry for what you're dealing with. I can't say much since I obviously don't know the situation, but I know what it is to face challenges and question your faith. I'll be praying for you. And please know I'm here if you need to talk. The one thing I can say, as trite as it will sound, is this: This will pass. I know that it's crazy rough right now and you probably feel like you're not sure it will ever get better. But I promise you it will. And even when it does, it still may not make any sense for a long time. But someday, things will be better and you will be stronger. And once these scars have healed, you may find that this injury was one of the most beautiful things you could have experienced. I had to get to a place of complete brokenness before I could begin to grasp what it meant to believe in God. And I thought I'd be broken forever, I thought it would never get better and I'd just be a wanderer forever without any real purpose, believing in God but not trusting or pursuing him at all. But healing comes, and faith and purpose can be restored. The pain never fully goes away. At least it hasn't for me. It took me 2 years to figure out what "faith" and "trust" meant to God. I'm not saying it's a speedy journey -- just that the destination is so worth it.
So don't give up. Keep seeking, keep asking. Talk to people who've been where you've been, seek out mentors or friends or whoever you need to to advise you. You don't have to walk this alone.
i feel like this is something i needed to hear, so we'll see what happens from here.
Lastly, I'm so sorry for what you're dealing with. I can't say much since I obviously don't know the situation, but I know what it is to face challenges and question your faith. I'll be praying for you. And please know I'm here if you need to talk. The one thing I can say, as trite as it will sound, is this: This will pass. I know that it's crazy rough right now and you probably feel like you're not sure it will ever get better. But I promise you it will. And even when it does, it still may not make any sense for a long time. But someday, things will be better and you will be stronger. And once these scars have healed, you may find that this injury was one of the most beautiful things you could have experienced. I had to get to a place of complete brokenness before I could begin to grasp what it meant to believe in God. And I thought I'd be broken forever, I thought it would never get better and I'd just be a wanderer forever without any real purpose, believing in God but not trusting or pursuing him at all. But healing comes, and faith and purpose can be restored. The pain never fully goes away. At least it hasn't for me. It took me 2 years to figure out what "faith" and "trust" meant to God. I'm not saying it's a speedy journey -- just that the destination is so worth it.
So don't give up. Keep seeking, keep asking. Talk to people who've been where you've been, seek out mentors or friends or whoever you need to to advise you. You don't have to walk this alone.
i feel like this is something i needed to hear, so we'll see what happens from here.
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Searching....
last week i got fired from my job at camp grandview..
i made a huge mistake and now im dealing with the consequences of my actions. losing the best job i've ever had, being heartbroken, losing a person i love more than anything, has made me question quite a lot of things.
im searching for the answers, and i havent gotten anywhere.
do i go back to bethel? well yes, because i need to finish what i started and i cant quit with one year left.
do i work as a missionary after graduation? i dont know.
am i really a christian? i dont know.
am i where God wants me? i dont know.
do i want to be a christian? i dont know.
who am i? i dont know.
i feel like i have lost every single thing in my life. and why, because i decided to do something with someone who i never meant anything too.
what have i become?
i made a huge mistake and now im dealing with the consequences of my actions. losing the best job i've ever had, being heartbroken, losing a person i love more than anything, has made me question quite a lot of things.
im searching for the answers, and i havent gotten anywhere.
do i go back to bethel? well yes, because i need to finish what i started and i cant quit with one year left.
do i work as a missionary after graduation? i dont know.
am i really a christian? i dont know.
am i where God wants me? i dont know.
do i want to be a christian? i dont know.
who am i? i dont know.
i feel like i have lost every single thing in my life. and why, because i decided to do something with someone who i never meant anything too.
what have i become?
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