I am not going to sit here and say that I have my life together, because I don't. I wont sit here and lie and say God and I are on good terms, why? because we aren't and haven't been for awhile. I cant really pinpoint an exact time where I stopped reading my bible and stopped talking to Him, I just gave up. and honestly I've been blocked and haven't been able to get back. sure in the past two weeks I have cried out to him a lot for some things but every time I want to pick up my bible, I just cant.
I don't want to say that I've given up, because I haven't. I mean tonight I went to the jewels bible study, and sure the fellowship is great and much needed, I just had a hard time listening to the woman on the video talking. and maybe that was because 1. I'm not a very big on "lectures" and 2. I was texting Adam the entire time. next time I go I think I just need to put away my phone and listen to it, like really listen. I think going to jewels will be a good thing for me, I just have to let my guard down and let people in.
since I brought Adam up I might as tell the world about him, okay really no one because no one even knows about this. I met Adam a month ago, and while it has been the greatest month of my life, it has also been a constant struggle. Adam and I both have issues from our past that make having a relationship difficult, and we had gotten too close too soon, so we took a million steps back and now we're just "friends" taking it slow and working things out and waiting for the day where we feel like we could have a relationship and make it work. people ask why I haven't given up yet, and I say because I cant, and I truly cant. but I also have been in prayer about it and I don't feel like God is telling me to give up, in fact I see a future with this man. and sure he probably thinks im nuts about this but i believe what i believe, and hes never seemed to judge me for that or not want to be with me and i appreciate that. i honestly don't know where we will go from here but i look forward to seeing, and experiencing life with him.
other than that things are going well. except that one of the neighbor boys passed away yesterday and I don't know why I feel a sadness because I didn't talk to him but I do. maybe I just care about other people a little too much. Adam thinks its weird that im this sad about it but what can I say, im a girl who cares.
until next time, stay awesome!
