christmas!

i know i shouldnt be sad on Christmas but i am. 
why you ask? well you didnt ask but ima tell you anyways..

here it is.. 

my older brother has a fiancee
my twin has basically a wife, and a child. my niece.
my parents have each other. 
i have no one!  i shouldnt be upset about this but i am.
today they were all cuddling and being lovey and i had to sit there and watch them and be happy, and i am happy for them, honest. 
it just sucks for me.  
i want someone. im 23 years old and i just want the one to who im going to marry to come and be with me already. 
its so hard watching my friends and family being in relationships and getting engaged, married, having kids.. 
why cant it be my turn? is there something wrong with me? 

so Lord maybe you could bring him to me soon? 

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! I HOPE Y'ALL HAD AMAZING DAYS! 

out of control

my life is out of control ....like badly. 

i dont know who i am anymore. i feel so lifeless, so unworthy, so useless, i'm just a mess of problems. i dont know what i'm doing, where i'm going, heck i dont even know if i believe in God anymore. i'm going through the motions and barely surviving. i need to be revived. i need something. 

who the hell am i?